Archive for June, 2009

Leading public service trade union, IMPACT, is understood to be seeking a comprehensive work experience scheme for public servants before it will entertain any Government attempts to reduce the public service through redundancy programmes. »

An innovation taskforce appointed by Taoiseach Brian Cowen to inform the Government’s strategy for positioning Ireland as an international innovation hub and to assist in making the “knowledge economy” a reality has disbanded 15 minutes into its first meeting. »

Minister for Finance Brian Lenihan is said to be utterly bemused at opposition calls for his resignation over the International Monetary Fund’s bleak assessment of Mireland’s economic outlook. »

The Government’s proposed temporary employment subsidy scheme has been warmly received by Fianna Fail and Green TDs, councillors and party workers all of whom expect to apply for the subsidy. »

Taoiseach Brian Cowen has added his voice to calls for leopards to change their spots but has cautioned that this may be a long drawn out process. Welcoming a leading leopard’s statement that leopards who had yet to change their spots might still do so, Mr Cowen said he expected “strong and continuous participation” by... »

The Government is preparing a highly contentious strategy to convince the Mirish people to vote yes to Lisbon in a referendum which will most likely be held in October. Having failed to secure a yes vote the last time out the Taoiseach, Mr Brian Cowen, warned of dire consequences. He was immediately proved right... »

The Government has announced that leopards will be legally obliged to change their spots after the next general election. Minister for Finance Brian Lenihan last night said legislation to give effect to the new law will pass all stages in the Oireachtas, before the Dáil and Seanad rise for the summer recess. »

The Mirish people are now living longer than ever despite their best efforts. This unwarranted longevity is causing consternation in the Health Promotion department of the Health Service Executive (HSE) as staff there believe it is sending out the wrong message. »

Senior Governmnent figures were locked in crisis talks with National Asset Management Agency executives (NAMA) and heads of all of the country’s financial institutions this evening after it emerged that former Late Late Show host Pat Kenny is claiming squatters’ rights over all of the land assets that NAMA was planning to manage. »

After all the gloom, Mireland finally sees a light at the end of the tunnel. French President Nicolas Sarkozy has said he is prepared to take over the running of Anglo Irish Bank and to head NAMA. Mr Sarkozy said there would be no conflict of interest in his holding both roles. »