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Monthly Archives: October 2009

Celebrity ego fuel to revive economy and save planet

October 30, 2009

Despite all indications to the contrary, it now seems likely that a Green Party energy initiative is going to save the Government, the economy, the country and the planet.
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HSE to stop treating patients who are too ill to notice

October 29, 2009

The Health Service Executive (HSE) is planning to abandon the treatment of Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia in an effort to save up to €400 million annually.
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Monitors reveal 37% of state employees are ‘probably’ dead

October 28, 2009

Results from the Performance Evaluation monitors placed on 200 public servants yesterday have come to the controversial conclusion that as many as 37 per cent of state employees are probably dead.
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Pitiful victims of recession run aimlessly around Dublin

October 27, 2009

The extent to which the recession is devastating the country became fully apparent yesterday as 12,750 pitiful wretches took to the streets of the capital.
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Public servants to trial pay-related performance monitors

October 23, 2009

Public service unions desperate to avoid another round of pay cuts in the December budget have reluctantly agreed to the trial of pay-related Performance Evaluation Monitors for public servants.
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Government survives ‘Drinkgate’ with shocking bad hangover

October 22, 2009

Late night negotiations in the Dail bar to resolve the backbench rebellion which has become known as the Drinkgate crisis broke up at 6 am this morning with tentative signs of agreement.
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Diggers to be impounded in vacant hotels and shops to avert atm crime

October 21, 2009

Minister for Justice Dermot Ahern is to introduce emergency legislation to impound all diggers and other plant machinery in an effort to put a stop to the recent spate of atm robberies using stolen diggers.
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Govt fury at Waterford by-pass finishing within budget

October 20, 2009

The Government has promised that no expense will be spared in investigating the circumstances that enabled the Waterford city by-pass to be completed on budget and ahead of schedule.
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Enda Kenny to abolish Dail, Fine Gael and himself

October 19, 2009

In a radical move that has sent shockwaves through the political system Fine Gael leader and Taoiseach in waiting Enda Kenny has said that he will abolish the Dail and the office of Taoiseach when he becomes Taoiseach.
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Cost benefit analysis of state agencies fails to find any benefit

October 16, 2009

A cost benefit analysis of all state agencies which was ordered by Minister for Finance Brian Lenihan has had to be abandoned after it could find no discernible benefit to measure cost against.
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