All eyes will be on Florida at 4pm today when Tiger Woods is to attempt to appear in public for up to 20 minutes without shagging anyone.
In what many regard as the greatest challenge of his career to date Woods will demonstrate his new-found sexual restraint in front of representatives of the world’s media.
Women of all ages will be kept away from the event as a precaution, and former Defence Minister Willie O’Dea will also be asked to stay away.
The Mire understands that John Terry will be watching the broadcast with interest. “If Tiger can do it maybe John can too,” an England supporter said.
However, it is also understood that Ashley Cole is otherwise engaged.
Rumours that RTE correspondent Charlie Bird would attempt to report on the event without once referring to Charlie Bird have been dismissed as “highly unlikely” by the national broadcaster.
