The Mire

The two former Guantanamo Bay inmates who resettled here recently have decided to emigrate as they can no longer stand to witness the suffering of citizens in this country, The Mire has learned.
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The sinking feeling that the country is returning to the dark days of the 1980s was confirmed yesterday with several sightings of an apparition of Charlie Haughey.
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Fas has already begun the daunting task of retraining the 7000 samurai warriors whose swords were confiscated by Gardai last Monday.
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Minister for Transport Noel Dempsey has called for urgent action after it emerged that up to a third of the roads built during the Celtic Tiger period are missing and a further third don’t appear to lead anywhere.
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Gardai have reported that an increasing number of violent crimes are being committed by doctors and nurses in a desperate attempt to keep hospital A&E departments open.
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The Virgin Mary has disputed claims that she will appear at the Knock Basilica on December 5th as she has a long-standing engagement to appear at the tree stump in Rathkeale, Co Limerick on the same date.
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The country was this morning counting the cost after a weekend of savage debauchery as gangs of Government ministers, TDs and their aides ran riot.
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Despite all indications to the contrary, it now seems likely that a Green Party energy initiative is going to save the Government, the economy, the country and the planet.
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The Health Service Executive (HSE) is planning to abandon the treatment of Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia in an effort to save up to €400 million annually.
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Results from the Performance Evaluation monitors placed on 200 public servants yesterday have come to the controversial conclusion that as many as 37 per cent of state employees are probably dead.
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