“Such a move would delay a second bailout until after Euro 2012 when there are camper vans to be hired, hotels and flights to be booked,” a Government source said.

“These people should surrender their green jerseys. They obviously have a testosterone deficiency,” he added. “Ole, ole, ole, ole, Ireland, Ireland.”

Coincidentally, scientists have found that too much testosterone causes bad decisions.

The Human Body Exhibition makes it’s world debut at the Ambassador Theatre on Thursday.

It features more than 200 full and partial real human body specimens.

“It should bring home the human cost of the bailout, Anglo and the Eurozone crisis,” an expert in this type of thing said.

Speaking in Davos at the World Economic Forum, Mr Kenny revealed that behind his carefully constructed image as a bit of a gobshite he is actually a bit of a gobshite.

The revelation was devastating for the people of Ireland who have witnessed him being a bit of a gobshite for over 30 years.

“We would never have voted for that Enda Kenny fella  if we’d known he was that Enda Kenny fella,” everyone said.

A spokesman for The Mire said it was concerned about the Central Bank’s ability to manage financial matters.

Coincidentally, the Central Bank has written to customers of a  debt-management company recommending they suspend all payments to it and “consider contacting the Garda”.

“How bizarre,” a spokesman for The Mire said.

“This outrageous discrimination has to stop,” a spokesman said.

“The poor have a right to pay tax,” the spokesman added. “From this day on not having an income will no longer be a barrier to paying income tax.”

The Tanaiste said the fact that the Labour Party was in government meant that the poor would no longer be excluded because of their poverty.

“The poor will always be with us,” he said proudly.

People ran out of their soon-to-be-repossessed houses and danced on the bonnets of their uninsured cars.

“I’m so glad RTÉ’s wealthy elite will be able to continue interviewing each other,” a man on his way to the airport to emigrate said.

“It will be an honour and a privilege to pay the inflated salaries of people whose programmes I can’t abide,” a woman who can’t afford to emigrate said.

Mr Rabbitte said he was considering replacing the television licence with a household broadcasting charge.

It is also understood that it is easier to qualify for an Irish passport than it is for a Certificate of Irish Heritage.

“You have to prove Irish ancestry,” an applicant said. “But you get a free Irish passport with every donation to the Friends of Israel.”

“Feckin Israelis,” a spokesman for the Department of Foreign Affairs said. “Those certs are the country’s only source of income.”

A mere 130 people have been issued with the certificates since the scheme began in September.

“The meters are handy got,” a spokesman said. “We get them from the same fellas we got the e-voting machines from.”

“But water? It’s a bit of a mystery to us to be honest,” the spokesman added.

“Maybe it will come when the meters are in place. If you build them, it will come! You know, like the movie. Ah, it’s anyone’s guess.”

Sources in the Department of Finance have revealed that these would be priority issues if the new bailout occurs.

“You never know when you might want to host an Olympics,” a senior civil servant said.

“Obviously, some of the money would be used to pay bank debts too,” he added. “We’re not irresponsible.”

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