Entertainment
Pall of despondency as appalling vista of winning Eurovision looms
A pall of despondency descended on the country after Niamh Kavanagh qualified for the final of the Eurovision song contest last night. »
Second coming of Jesus Christ confirmed for Lissadell House
Despite suggestions to the contrary, The Mire can confirm that the second coming of Jesus Christ will go ahead as scheduled at Lissadell House, Sligo, this summer. »
Women everywhere deny having sex with Mark Owen
Mark Owen, a member of pop group Take That, is expected to apologise later today for mistakenly believing he had sex with a number of women. »
UN Commission For Crying Out Loud calls for a halt to John Waters
The United Nations Commission For Crying Out Loud (UNCFCOL) has called for an immediate halt to John Waters. »
Over half CBB contestants are probably not biodegradable
Over half the contestants in Celebrity Big Brother are probably not biodegradable, according to a source in one of the country’s top funeral homes. »
Van Morrison denies affair with Tiger, also denies knowing himself
The Mire is able to reveal that there is still considerable confusion as to whether Tiger Woods and Van Morrison had a baby together over Christmas. »
Nigella becoming Russell Brand ‘most amazing event of noughties’
Nigella Lawson’s remarkable transformation into stand-up comedian Russell Brand has been voted the most amazing event of the noughties by readers of The Mire. »
The Mire reflects on a pig’s mickey of a year – twisted and crooked
It was a year that began with a visit from several British MPs to Dail Eireann to study the mystifying way in which our TDs resisted resigning. »
RTE to embrace recession to maintain licence fee revenues
RTE is to be at the centre of a new austerity drive in 2010 that will see the national broadcaster transmit all of its programmes in black and white. »
Women claim Duncan Stewart is stalking them through their TVs
Gardai say they are mystified by a huge number of calls from people who inadvertently tuned into About The House on RTE1 last night and have since become convinced that presenter Duncan Stewart is stalking them through their television sets. »