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Politics

Martin chosen to lead FF on crusade to fix potholes in the wilderness

January 26, 2011

Former Minister for Making Foreign People’s Eyes Glaze Over Micheál Martin has won the Fianna Fáil leadership contest and will now spearhead the party’s five year plan to fix potholes in the wilderness.
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Cabinet ‘great craic now’ as Cowen becomes Minister for Everything

January 20, 2011

Government sources say the Cabinet has  a more enjoyable work environment since Taoiseach Brian Cowen became  Minister for Everything last night following the resignations of four more Ministers.
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New Foreign Minister won’t have time to ‘go out foreign’

January 19, 2011

The Government is this morning seeking to appoint a Foreign Minister with no interest in travel after Minister for Foreign Affairs Micheál Martin resigned following Taoiseach Brian Cowen’s confidence vote victory.
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Psychiatric nurses available to assist anyone with confidence in Cowen

January 17, 2011

Psychiatric nurses will be available at tomorrow’s Fianna Fáil parliamentary party meeting  in the event that anyone expresses confidence in Taoiseach Brian Cowen.
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Enticements available to any TD willing to take over FF leadership

January 14, 2011

Taoiseach Brian Cowen will hold one-to-one meetings with backbench TDs today in a desperate attempt to get anyone to take over the leadership of Fianna Fáil for a short period.
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TDs urged to wear lifevests while distancing themselves from Cowen

January 11, 2011

The Coast Guard has warned any Fianna Fáil TDs trying to distance themselves from toxic Taoiseach Brian Cowen ahead of the general election to wear flotation devices.
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Green TDs offer Australia advice on unique flood management strategy

January 5, 2011

Senior figures in the Green Party could travel to Australia to offer expert help in managing catastrophic flooding in Queensland.
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Youths may vote Fianna Fáil in exchange for sex with 16-year-olds

January 4, 2011

Lowering the age of consent could lead to a surge in support for Fianna Fáil among first time voters, according to a survey carried out by The Mire.
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Illusionist Ahern made economy appear to appear then disappear

December 31, 2010

Self-celebrated supposed Statesman and amateur magician Bertie Ahern has announced he will not run for Dáil Éireann at the next general election.
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FG refuse to confirm that Kenny and Bruton are the Rubberbandits

December 16, 2010

Fine Gael have refused to confirm or deny that the Rubberbandits are in fact enterprise spokesman Richard Bruton and party leader Enda Kenny.
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