Former Minister for Making Foreign People’s Eyes Glaze Over Micheál Martin has won the Fianna Fáil leadership contest and will now spearhead the party’s five year plan to fix potholes in the wilderness.
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Irish news and current affairs skewed. On a clear day you can see the confusion for miles
Politics
Martin chosen to lead FF on crusade to fix potholes in the wilderness
Cabinet ‘great craic now’ as Cowen becomes Minister for Everything
Government sources say the Cabinet has a more enjoyable work environment since Taoiseach Brian Cowen became Minister for Everything last night following the resignations of four more Ministers.
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New Foreign Minister won’t have time to ‘go out foreign’
The Government is this morning seeking to appoint a Foreign Minister with no interest in travel after Minister for Foreign Affairs Micheál Martin resigned following Taoiseach Brian Cowen’s confidence vote victory.
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Psychiatric nurses available to assist anyone with confidence in Cowen
Psychiatric nurses will be available at tomorrow’s Fianna Fáil parliamentary party meeting in the event that anyone expresses confidence in Taoiseach Brian Cowen.
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Enticements available to any TD willing to take over FF leadership
Taoiseach Brian Cowen will hold one-to-one meetings with backbench TDs today in a desperate attempt to get anyone to take over the leadership of Fianna Fáil for a short period.
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TDs urged to wear lifevests while distancing themselves from Cowen
The Coast Guard has warned any Fianna Fáil TDs trying to distance themselves from toxic Taoiseach Brian Cowen ahead of the general election to wear flotation devices.
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Green TDs offer Australia advice on unique flood management strategy
Senior figures in the Green Party could travel to Australia to offer expert help in managing catastrophic flooding in Queensland.
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Illusionist Ahern made economy appear to appear then disappear
Self-celebrated supposed Statesman and amateur magician Bertie Ahern has announced he will not run for Dáil Éireann at the next general election.
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FG refuse to confirm that Kenny and Bruton are the Rubberbandits
Fine Gael have refused to confirm or deny that the Rubberbandits are in fact enterprise spokesman Richard Bruton and party leader Enda Kenny.
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