One hundred per cent of respondents to a Mire A.R.S.E. poll do not understand why Senator Ivor Callely was last night suspended from membership of Fianna Fáil, over allegations of “conduct unbecoming” a member of the organisation.
Experts in a wide-range of fields were also puzzled at the notion that a behaviour exists that could be deemed unbecoming for a member of Fianna Fáil.
“It’s hard to imagine what that behaviour might be,” a leading anthropologist said. “One would have thought that membership of Fianna Fáil is itself unbecoming.”
Sources have dismissed as “entirely implausible” suggestions that Mr Callely was suspended following allegations in the Irish Mail on Sunday that Mr Callely claimed almost €3,000 for mobile phones and related services with receipts from a company that had ceased trading.
“Charlie Haughey will be turning in his grave if that is the case,” a source said.
Esteemed Mire:
In our researches at the Foggy Bottom Institute for Theoretical Scruple we believe we have discovered a theoretical region of behaviour that lies just above the hypothetical boundary known as the Karl Rove Would Not Stoop So Low Horizon beyond which no behaviour however aberrant is believed to exist. In this near zero phase there are particle like waves of amorality and anti-ethics that are in constant flux of existence and non-existence that we believe to be intersticial string states of conduct unbecoming of a member of Fianna Fáil. We hope to isolate similar effulgences of conduct unbecoming of a member of Fianna Gale shortly based on the hypothesis that they will stongly resemble the Particulo Partido Popular recently discovered by our colleagues in Madrid.