Cowen helps Brown to banish ‘nasty wee beasties’ with song
The Mire has received a tape of a phone conversation between Taoiseach Brian Cowen and his UK counterpart Gordon Brown. The Taoiseach and Mr Brown have a lot in common – both having become Prime Ministers without applying for the jobs – and Mr Cowen clearly feels he can help Mr Brown:
Gordon Brown: Hello. Is that the beasties?
Brian Cowen: Gordon, Gordon, Get a grip Gordon. There are no beasties.
Gordon Brown: Oh Hello Brian. How are you?
Brian Cowen: Never mind about me. I’m fine. But you… Gordon…You can’t keep talking about beasties.
Gordon Brown: But they are beasties. They read The Sun. They keep telling me I’m not a real prime minister because I didn’t win a general election. Nasty wee beasties.
Brian Cowen: Mine do that too Gordon. But they’re not beasties they’re just voices in your head. We all have them, sometimes they’re the only sane voices we hear but we don’t have to listen to them. Ignore them Gordon.
Gordon Brown: I can’t. They’re shrill. And they won’t stop screeching.
Brian Cowen: Sing to them then. It calms them.
Gordon Brown: What do you sing to your ones?
Brian Cowen: Eh… The Road to Nowhere… going forward.
Gordon Brown: How does that go?
Brian Cowen: Ah, you know it. Let me see..
And the future is certain
Give us time to work it out
Were on a road to nowhere
Come on inside
Gordon Brown: Stop. That’s what the beasties keep singing at me!
Brian Cowen: Ok. But you must have a song you like.
Gordon Brown: Well I’ve been thinking that… I’ve been a victim of a selfish kind of love..
Brian Cowen: Go on..
Gordon Brown: It’s time that I realise that there are some with no home, not a nickel to loan. Could it be really me pretending that they’re not alone..
Brian Cowen: That’s powerful stuff, Gordon. Mighty stuff.
Gordon Brown: I’m Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
Brian Cowen: Ooh!
Gordon Brown: I’m Asking Him To Change His Ways
Brian Cowen: Ooh!
Gordon Brown: And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place
Brian Cowen: If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place
Gordon Brown: Take A Look At Yourself And Then Make A Change
Brian Cowen: Take A Look At Yourself And Then Make A Change
Cowen and Brown together: You Gotta Get It Right, While You Got The Time
Brian Cowen: That was emotional Gordon. How are you now?
Gordon Brown: So much better. I believe I could fly…
Brian Cowen: Now don’t get ahead of yourself.
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