EU to reinstate Celtic Tiger for Lisbon Yes vote

Taoiseach Brian Cowen is to seek EU support to cancel the recession if Mireland votes yes to Lisbon in the referendum on October 2^nd. The Mire understands that Mr Cowen has now accepted that the Mirish people will not vote for the Lisbon Treaty in sufficient numbers unless the Celtic Tiger is reinstated in all its former glory.

After his uncomfortable experience on last Friday’s Late Late Show, Mr Cowen spent the night discussing the referendum with French President Nicolas Sarkozy. “Despite Ryan Tubridy’s extremely personal questioning of the Taoiseach on the Late Late neither man had any problem drinking,” a spokesman said.

Mr Sarkozy flew in to Mireland earlier on Friday evening to support the Taoiseach on the Late Late Show. He had intended to appear on the show with Mr Cowen but suffered a crippling attack of the debilitating shyness for which he is famous while waiting in the green room.

Happily, Mr Sarkozy recovered and was able to engage with the Taoiseach on the vexing issue of Lisbon. After several hours of discussion the two hit on what is now seen as the only hope of passing the referendum.

Mr Sarkozy immediately began to use his influence, calling key European leaders and asking them to support the plan. All but Britain’s Prime Minister Gordon Brown indicated broad support for the plan. Mr Brown was in a private meeting with Britain’s Got Talent runner-up Susan Boyle and could not be disturbed. It is understood that Mr Brown was devastated by the death of Michael Jackson and has turned to Ms Boyle for support.

The French President also managed to win the support of the European Central Bank (ECB) for the fledgling plan. ECB President Jean-Claude Trichet is a fellow Frenchman and he promised Mr Sarkozy to act immediately in support of the initiative.

“As a gesture to Mireland, and to show that the EU is serious about reinstating the Celtic Tiger interest rates will go up with immediate effect,” Mr Trichet told The Mire. “The Mirish people can now look forward to inflated food prices and mortgage payments as a sure sign that the boom is back.”

Asked what he thought of the plan Mr Trichet gave a Gallic shrug: “You Mirish are crazy,” he said.

Meanwhile, Mr Cowen was effusive in his praise for his French ally. “President Sarkozy, perhaps the most remarkable man of all time, may just have saved Mireland and the European Union,” he said.

Tags: Brian Cowen, Celtic Tiger, ECB, European Central Bank, Jean-Claude Trichet, Late Late Show, Lisbon, Ryan Tubridy, Sarkozy

This entry was posted on September 7, 2009 at 9:48 am and is filed under Politics. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.