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Expert recommends botox to tone down Calamity Coughlan

September 24, 2009

An expert on Tourette’s syndrome has told The Mire that the Tanaiste and Minister for Enterprise, Trade and Employment, Mary Coughlan, may suffer from coprolalia and, therefore, cannot help making a complete tit of herself on occasion.

Coprolalia, which is sometimes a symptom of Tourette’s syndrome, is involuntary swearing or the utterance of obscene words or socially inappropriate and derogatory remarks. “Many of Ms Coughlan’s recent statements could possibly be as a result of this condition,” the expert said.

In recent days Calamity Coughlan, as she has become known, has credited Einstein with the theory of evolution, dismissed the Bord Snip report and generated speculation about an imminent election. Unconfirmed reports also suggest that she has called everyone within earshot a “fucker”.

Coprolalia is usually evident when someone swears out of social or emotional context. If Ms Coughlan has offended you it is possible that, at least some of the time, she didn’t actually mean to do so as the phrases uttered by a person with coprolalia do not necessarily reflect the thoughts or opinions of the person.

“It would be possible for Ms Coughlan to be treated by injecting botox near the vocal chords. This won’t prevent the outbursts but the partial paralysis that results would mean she won’t be as loud,” the expert said.

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