A Garda investigation into all gangster-related shootings has reached the conclusion that sitting in parked cars is potentially lethal for any gangster.
“We would advise all gangsters to get out of the vehicle as soon as they park,” a Garda spokesman said. “They are dicing with death otherwise.”
The six-month investigation by an elite Garda unit found that as many as 70 per cent of dead gangsters were shot in their cars. “Where possible gangsters should try to use public transport,” the spokesman said. “This would greatly increase their life expectancy.”
A spokesman for the country’s gangsters thanked the Gardai for their concern.
[...] Gardai say gangsters less likely to be shot when using public transport. [...]