A two-year long study of Garda crime investigation practices has come to the shocking conclusion that leaving no stone unturned does not actually solve crimes.
Gardai of all ranks were devastated at the news. “Leaving no stone unturned is the cornerstone of our policing system,” a senior Garda source said, “and now we are told that it is a waste of time. This is the biggest challenge we have ever faced.”
The source predicted that many senior gardai would leave the force rather than retrain. “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” he said.
Minister for Justice Dermot Ahern, however, was typically defiant. “The Garda Siochana will bounce back from this,” he said. “We will leave no stone unturned. We will find a new cliche. And we will be stronger as a result.”
Can they still pursue all lines of enquiry?
Only if they round up the usual suspects