The Health Service Executive (HSE) has bounced back from its disastrous attempt to hand health services over to Ryanair and announced a joint venture with Givenchy to produce WellBeing a perfume which it is hoped will completely eliminate the need for any form of health care.
The HSE has invested heavily in the new scent which, true to its name, gives wearers a sense of well being.
“We know we cannot make people well and that if they come into our hospitals there is a good chance that we will make them sick,” a HSE spokesman said. “At least now we can give people a sense of well being.”
The perfume is to be rushed into production after limited trials in regional HSE offices showed positive results. “There were unconfirmed reports that some staff smiled,” the spokesman said.
WellBeing is to be fitted into sprayers in the doorways of all public buildings, buses and trains. Each time a door opens those passing through it will be sprayed liberally with Wellbeing before they go on their way.
Earlier this year the HSE conceded defeat with the much tried but not trusted model of making sick people well. “It was completely discredited. Neither patients, doctors nor nurses believed in it but it was costing billions,” a spokesman said.
In June the HSE announced that Ryanair would take over the entire health care system and fly patients for treatment in Spain. Less than a month later, however, Ryanair pulled out of the arrangement, saying it could not – and would not – tolerate all the disabled passengers.
If the perfume succeeds where the Ryanair venture failed the HSE will be able to focus all their attention on the meaningless studies carried out by their Analytical Research and Scientific Evaluation (ARSE) section.
