Gardai have reported that an increasing number of violent crimes are being committed by doctors and nurses in a desperate attempt to keep hospital A&E departments open.
“We are finding a huge number of assault victims with wounds that have been inflicted with surgical precision,” a Garda source said. “We believe that these assaults are being committed by off-duty doctors who will then stitch the victims when we bring them to hospital.”
“We are also seeing an increase in extremely vicious, completely irrational attacks which, we believe, are being carried out by nurses,” the source added.
It is understood the assaults are part of a co-ordinated pre-budget attempt to prove that A&E departments are more than just recovery rooms for drug-addled revellers and child alcoholics.
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