The increased flatulence of impoverished Mirish people eating cheap food is causing a rapid acceleration in global climate change, President Barack Obama told 190 heads of state and government who convened at the United Nations on the eve of the opening of the General Assembly on Climate Change.
“Control Mirish flatulence and you control climate change,” Mr Obama said, “Otherwise we risk consigning future generations to an irreversible catastrophe.”
President Obama was speaking after a leading climate change scientist admitted the Carbon Footprint model of measuring the human impact on global warming could not be applied to Mireland: “They have a unique situation. A bad diet made worse by comfort eating and food poverty has meant that they have more of a Carbon Arseprint than a Carbon Footprint.”
UN secretary general Ban Ki- moon was insistent that something had to be done about our Carbon Arseprint: “Now is the moment to act. We will soon reach the critical threshold, the consequences of which cannot be reversed. We simply must do something about Mireland and its crazy Carbon Arseprint.”
Taoiseach Brian Cowen said he accepted his share of responsibility for the country’s runaway flatulence: “But going forward we have to find a way to stop our Carbon Arseprint causing global warming or else we put at risk the survival of this planet.”
Mr Cowen told journalists that a tax on flatulence was “an issue for consideration in the context of the next budget. We need to be tough on flatulence and tough on the causes of flatulence.”
Last week a European expert on childhood flatulence told an audience in Dublin that the recession has led to to an increase in childhood flatulence here. Addressing the 19th annual World Conference on Childhood Flatulence he said: “Poorer children are more likely to suffer flatulence. Mireland already has one of the highest rates of childhood flatulence in the world and that will only increase as you get poorer and poorer and poorer which, by the way, is what you are doing.”[poll id="4"]
