Monitors reveal 37% of state employees are ‘probably’ dead

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October 28, 2009

Results from the Performance Evaluation monitors placed on 200 public servants yesterday have come to the controversial conclusion that as many as 37 per cent of state employees are probably dead.
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Pitiful victims of recession run aimlessly around Dublin

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October 27, 2009

The extent to which the recession is devastating the country became fully apparent yesterday as 12,750 pitiful wretches took to the streets of the capital.
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Public servants to trial pay-related performance monitors

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October 23, 2009

Public service unions desperate to avoid another round of pay cuts in the December budget have reluctantly agreed to the trial of pay-related Performance Evaluation Monitors for public servants.
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Government survives ‘Drinkgate’ with shocking bad hangover

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October 22, 2009

Late night negotiations in the Dail bar to resolve the backbench rebellion which has become known as the Drinkgate crisis broke up at 6 am this morning with tentative signs of agreement.
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Diggers to be impounded in vacant hotels and shops to avert atm crime

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October 21, 2009

Minister for Justice Dermot Ahern is to introduce emergency legislation to impound all diggers and other plant machinery in an effort to put a stop to the recent spate of atm robberies using stolen diggers.
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Govt fury at Waterford by-pass finishing within budget

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October 20, 2009

The Government has promised that no expense will be spared in investigating the circumstances that enabled the Waterford city by-pass to be completed on budget and ahead of schedule.
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Enda Kenny to abolish Dail, Fine Gael and himself

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October 19, 2009

In a radical move that has sent shockwaves through the political system Fine Gael leader and Taoiseach in waiting Enda Kenny has said that he will abolish the Dail and the office of Taoiseach when he becomes Taoiseach.
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Cost benefit analysis of state agencies fails to find any benefit

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October 16, 2009

A cost benefit analysis of all state agencies which was ordered by Minister for Finance Brian Lenihan has had to be abandoned after it could find no discernible benefit to measure cost against.
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Huge setback for HSE as citizens are allergic to well being

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October 15, 2009

Disaster has struck the Health Service Executive’s (HSE) ambitious plan to solve all the country’s health problems by spraying citizens with WellBeing, the new perfume created by Givenchy in association with the HSE.
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TDs to bring toilet roll to work, but not yet ready to be toilet-trained

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October 14, 2009

The Brutalised Taxpayers’ Association (BTA) has welcomed news that TDs and Senators will bring toilet roll to work with them in future to help curb rampant costs.
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