Scientists identify 4000-year-old man as Lidl toaster thief
A few flakes of skin on a shopping trolley at Lidl in Lucan was all it took for scientists to reconstruct the physical characteristics and identity of a 4000-year-old local man.
Gardai have arrested the man who is to be charged with stealing a half price toaster from another shopper last Monday. “It was the last toaster,” the 4000-year-old man told gardai.
Gardai confirmed that the 4000-year-old had seven other unused toasters at home.
Lidl did not comment on suggestions that unseemly behaviour among the elderly is a common feature of Mondays and Thursdays when the supermarket sells so-called specials.
However, one shopper was brave enough to comment. “It’s hell in there,” she said. “Carnage and seepage, I can’t stand it.”