Disaster has struck the Health Service Executive’s (HSE) ambitious plan to solve all the country’s health problems by spraying citizens with WellBeing, the new perfume created by Givenchy in association with the HSE.
WellBeing has turned out to be a huge liability that may yet sound the death knell for any form of health care. Initially well received, the perfume was fitted into sprayers in the doorways of all public buildings, buses and trains. Each time a door opened those passing through it were sprayed liberally with WellBeing before going on their merry way.
At first everything was rosy with confirmed sightings of people smiling in the most unlikely situations – such as when being made redundant or having to watch the twins on X Factor. In recent days, however, the entire nation has been afflicted by a mystery illness that has mental, emotional and physical symptoms.
“We are completely devastated,” a HSE spokesman said. “It appears that the nation suffered an allergic reaction to sustained well being. It simply doesn’t suit us as a people.”
The HSE also confirmed that it had to pay €1 billion for an antidote to WellBeing although all that entailed was switching off all WellBeing sprayers. “Once this was done people immediately recovered from WellBeing as our native misery reasserted itself,” the spokesman said.
The HSE launched WellBeing in early September after an earlier attempt to get Ryanair to take over the health service failed. Despite this latest setback the HSE remains determined to leave healthcare behind in order to focus all attention on the meaningless studies carried out by its Analytical Research and Scientific Evaluation (ARSE) section.
It is understood that neither this nor any other setback will have any negative impact on the bonus payments of senior HSE executives.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Donal Conaty, decb. decb said: Huge setback for HSE as citizens are allergic to well being http://bit.ly/1EAVJ7 via @AddToAny [...]