Gardai have arrested the man who is to be charged with stealing a half price toaster from another shopper last Monday. “It was the last toaster,” the 4000-year-old man told gardai.

Gardai confirmed that the 4000-year-old had seven other unused toasters at home.

Lidl did not comment on suggestions that unseemly behaviour among the elderly is a common feature of Mondays and Thursdays when the supermarket sells so-called specials.

However, one shopper was brave enough to comment. “It’s hell in there,” she said. “Carnage and seepage, I can’t stand it.”