“Anti-suicide nets are very common,” a spokesman said. “Apple are even doing it in China.”

Meanwhile, a bidding war has broken out between publishing industry heavyweights for the international rights to the published accounts of politicians’ expenses. “This could be the biggest thing to happen in publishing since the bible,” an industry analyst said.

Early hopes that  proceeds from sales of the published accounts might go into the public purse have, however, been dashed. “We need every cent we can get,” a TD said.

There was further good news for impoverished TDs when a Revenue inspector confirmed the accounts will probably qualify for the artists’ exemption.

Energy Minister Eamon Ryan has revealed a new technology that will tap into celebrities’ egos to fuel the national grid. “Ego fuel is an eco fuel,” he said. “This is completely carbon neutral. The only waste product is hot air.”

“This is a huge untapped resource,” Mr Ryan added. “We could soon be exporting energy around the globe. For example, it is estimated that less than one per cent of Bono’s ego fuel could satisfy China’s energy needs for a decade.”

Minister for Finance Brian Lenihan has agreed to ring-fence the artists’ exemption tax and broaden its terms to include any celebrity who is prepared to donate up to two per cent of their ego energy.

Mr Lenihan was full of praise for the Green Party initiative. “They are little Green geniuses,” he said. “They’re not much craic but we love them anyway.”