The Mire understands that Pope Benedict will also spontaneously accept the resignation of other Irish bishops named in the Murphy report into the Dublin diocese.

Like Bishop Murray, they are expected to spontaneously resign as soon as the Vatican tells them to do so.

Meanwhile, there is concern in the wider community that the ex-bishops could become a menace to society in retirement. “These people will be bored and bitter. In happier times they facilitated child rape. Are they spontaneously going to stop doing that now?” a source said.

“What is to stop them from spending their retirement spontaneously organising paedophile rings in every small town?”

Bishop Murray has been under pressure to resign for his mishandling of complaints of child sexual abuse by priests during the period up to 1996 during which time he was an auxiliary bishop in the Dublin archdiocese.

However, the bishops have suggested alternative ways to read the report which, they argue, would make its contents far less disturbing and, incredibly, could even show the catholic church in a positive light.

“We would like to humbly suggest that interested parties use one of the following tactics when reading the Dublin diocesan report,” the bishops said.

“The tactics are:

- read the report with eyes closed

- read the report backwards

- read either consonants or vowels but not both

- read the report aloud but read parts that make you feel uncomfortable in silence.

“These reading aids are part of our mental reservation philosophy and we feel sure that anyone who uses them will realise that the report is in fact quite positive about us,” the bishops concluded.