In what many regard as the greatest challenge of his career to date Woods will demonstrate his new-found sexual restraint in front of representatives of the world’s media.

Women of all ages will be kept away from the event as a precaution, and former Defence Minister Willie O’Dea will also be asked to stay away.

The Mire understands that John Terry will be watching the broadcast with interest. “If Tiger can do it maybe John can too,” an England supporter said.

However, it is also understood that Ashley Cole is otherwise engaged.

Rumours that RTE correspondent Charlie Bird would attempt to report on the event without once referring to Charlie Bird have been dismissed as “highly unlikely” by the national broadcaster.

The programme will show the pain, suffering and loneliness endured by Lee during his self-imposed exile from RTE. “It is very bleak, very depressing,” a source said. “It is like The Road only more desolate.”

Lee, who represented Dublin South, is understood to have felt ineffectual in the Dail. “Tell me about it,” Enda Kenny is believed to have said.

The documentary on Lee follows similar programmes on Charlie Bird’s devastating experiences as Washington Correspondent.

It is believed that a documentary on the loneliness of correspondents working on outside broadcast units is also in development.

The Mire can now reveal some of the models in iPad Roleplay that are proving popular here:

iSad allows users to get inside the head of Charlie Bird.

iDad gives users who want it the John Waters experience.

iHad is surprisingly popular as it gives users the sensations felt by Martin Cullen while he is being raped by the media.

iCad and iLad are two Tiger Woods roleplay models proving popular with golfers.

iMad, which offers the Iris Robinson experience, is also popular.

Finally, iFad lets users know what it feels like to be an iPad.

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