The move follows the hacking of the Irish Aid website.

“We’ve been told we can’t use ‘password’ or ‘mammy’ as passwords any more,” a Department of Finance official said.

“I’m using ‘DepartmentofFinance’ as my password now,” he added, “but I don’t see how I’ll ever remember it.”

Sources in the Department of Finance have revealed that these would be priority issues if the new bailout occurs.

“You never know when you might want to host an Olympics,” a senior civil servant said.

“Obviously, some of the money would be used to pay bank debts too,” he added. “We’re not irresponsible.”

“At the time that this error was discovered we had successfully borrowed €85 billion without any ability to pay it back,” a source said.

“Isn’t it obvious that we were too busy celebrating?”

“People should take pride in that great achievement instead of cribbing over a small error,” the source added.

Quinnconomics involves giving someone a token gift in exchange for something of real value.

“We’re looking at what we have to offer the Troika,” a Department of Finance official said. “So far we have a detached house in Greystones and membership of the K Club.”

The official was hopeful that that could be enough to settle the debt. “Who knows? If we’ve anything left we might buy Dubai,” he said.

“We felt it was important to use the opportunity of leaving the Euro to convey a positive image of modern Ireland,” the source said.

“There’s nothing more modern or positive than Michael Flatley,” he added.

It is understood that the air Michael Flatley is dancing on is a metaphor for the value of the currency.

The move comes after a deal to raise the US borrowing limit was passed in Congress last night.

“We will be able to lend Mr Obama any amount of them,” a Finance source said.

It is understood that the first batch is of $3 bills which portray the Minister for Finance Michael Noonan.

The Taoiseach spoke movingly about his fond memories of Irish independence and urged all Americans to cherish theirs.

In a tradition I am not familiar with many of the senior civil servants here gave me gifts of their curriculum vitaes and asked me to have a quiet word with Ajai – or anybody!

I was also approached by Ministers Noonan and Howlin asking if I had any influence over the distribution of green cards by the US Embassy.

They looked at me like I’d two heads when I suggested they apply through the usual channels.

“I’ll do the reforming around here not you,” Mr Howlin said, as he warmly shook my hand and kicked me in the shin.

The list is small and betrays a poor understanding of what constitutes an asset and a poorer understanding of what is actually Irish.

The official list of State assets given to Mr Noonan is as follows:

- Forty shades of green

- 100,000 welcomes

- The Giant’s Causeway

- The crocks of gold leprechauns leave at the end of rainbows

- The rainbows

“We are concerned about it’s wellbeing,” a Garda spokesman said. “We believe it is feeling downgraded, unloved and insecure.”

Previously, the economy was mislaid by officials in former Taoiseach Brian Cowen’s office before it was found hiding in a box of paper clips.

The spokesman asked anyone with information about the economy to contact Gardaí immediately.

“It has no monetary value whatsoever but the Irish people have a strong sentimental attachment to it,” he said.

For nine out of the last 10 years officials warned Mr Sheen to curb his wilder excesses, a report published today reveals.

“I should have listened to those guys. They are winners,” Mr Sheen might have said.

The report, aimed at discovering whether the Department of Finance is fit for purpose, also found that officials there advised Brian Cowen to sing at Jury’s Cabaret rather than become leader of Fianna Fáil.

“Sadly we’re used to having our advice ignored,” a Finance official said. “Sure only today we advised the Minister for Finance not to publish this report.”