A Garda spokesman told of scenes of public indecency, assaults on the moral fibre of the nation and bizzarre and inappropriate use of fireworks as the elected representatives drove decent people off the streets.

“There is very little we can do about the politicians,” a Garda source said. “They are bitterly disappointed at the state of the economy and they are taking it out on the common folk.”

“They always cause trouble when they come back to their constituencies but Halloween brings out the worst in them,” he added.

Gardai spoke to Minister for Justice Dermot Ahern about criminalising politicians but he just smiled.

A Dail spokesman said it was a matter for individual politicians whether they claimed for fireworks on expenses.

“There is no place in society for these menacing machines,” he said. “They have no legitimate purpose as there is no construction industry. All any builder needs these days is a donkey jacket and a shovel to lean on.”

The move follows discussions between Mr Ahern, the Garda Commissioner and the Construction Industry Federation (CIF).

It is understood that the CIF has persuaded Mr Ahern to store the machinery in vacant hotels and retail units around the country so that it will be available in the unlikely event of an upturn in the economy.

However, critics of the plan say this is just a way of bailing out the banks and the developers who built the retail units. “This is the e-voting machines all over again. It is just a way of giving public money to your buddies,” a Fine Gael spokesman said.

Mr Ahern said the government had considered getting the banks to pay for storing the machinery but pointed out that the banks would be paying with taxpayers’ money anyway.

Taoiseach Brian Cowen has had to rush to Rathkeale in an attempt to pacify the two ministers. Mr Lenihan insists that the appearance of Kathleen ni Houlihan is a call to patriotic action to support the Government in these dark times. “The pint of stout represents the need for us to bond as a community. We need sing songs in poorly lit pubs. If the Taoiseach leads us in song the country will get behind him. We can sing ourselves out of recession,” he said.

However, Mr Cowen has refused to break into song. Under pressure from Mr Ahern, who spent the entire summer in Rathkeale, Mr Cowen said he thought the outline on the stump was more likely to be of the Virgin Mary than of Kathleen ni Houlihan. But he urged people not to be divided on the issue. “Who is to say it is not both of them? We need all the help we can get. I don’t care if it is King Billy on the stump as long as it supports Nama and Lisbon.”

Cabinet colleagues of the two ministers have for some time expressed the fear that the immense pressure they are under to do their jobs has led them to resort to religious and patriotic fervour. In fact their colleagues now refer to the two ministers as God (Mr Ahern) and Country (Mr Lenihan).

The two senior ministers were sent to Rathkeale by the Taoiseach at the start of the summer to see if they could get the Virgin Mary to intervene on behalf of the economy. Mr Ahern took to the task with such zeal that he bonded with the stump and has refused to leave it for any reason.

The two ministers have spent most of their time there since. However, Mr Ahern has recently bonded with the stump and has refused to leave it under any circumstances. Cabinet colleagues now fear that his introduction of the Defamation Bill, originally seen as a shrewd move to invoke God when nothing else was working, was in fact a result of his succumbing to religious fervour.

“The stress he and Brian Lenihan are under has been immense,” a Cabinet source said. “It is hardly any wonder they have resorted to religious and patriotic fervour to get them through.” The source said that their colleagues now referred to the two ministers as God (Mr Ahern) and Country (Mr Lenihan).

President Mary McAleese is to state today whether she is referring the Defamation Bill and the Criminal Justice (Amendment) Bill to the Supreme Court. “She has no right,” Mr Ahern said. “Our Lady’s appearance on the stump is a clear indication that she supports the Defamation Bill. There is no higher court.”

Mr Ahern’s words have apparently outraged Mr Lenihan whose patriotic fervour demands support for the office of President. Until now Mr Lenihan has manfully said that it is his patriotic duty not to fall out with Mr Ahern but he is finding it increasingly difficult. “We are facing the prospect of all out hostilities between God and Country,” a concerned Cabinet source said.

The two senior Government ministers have been briefed to maintain a vigil at the stump and to pray for the economy. It is understood that senior civil servants in the Taoiseach’s office have persuaded Mr Cowen that divine intervention is the only realistic prospect of turning around the dire economic situation.

The outline of the Blessed Virgin first appeared in the tree stump on Monday and this, together with the prospect of three months holidays, immediately gave rise to a wave of optimism in Leinster House.

However, it is understood that Mr Ahern was reluctant to travel to the stump as he had just reduced the maximum fine payeable for blasphemy. Mr Ahern was afraid that the stump would take a bleak view of his actions and might not want to help the economy.

Mr Lenihan was more optimistic. He said he was confident that the great sacrifices made by the Mirish people on behalf of the economy would “excite the admiration” of the tree stump.

“Mr Cowen is worried that the legislation introduced by Mr Ahern could effectively make it illegal to be leader of Fianna Fail or the Government,” an aide to Mr Cowen said. “He is wary of Mr Ahern’s motivation in bringing forward the legislation. This could be a very Irish coup.”

It is understood that the leaders of the Green, Labour, Fine Gael and Sinn Fein parties and their advisers are also monitoring developments. There have been unconfirmed reports that some party leaders are preparing to take flight before the Gardai come calling.

Under the legislation an actual crime does not have to be committed to invoke the commission of the offence. It allows for the criminalisation of controlling a criminal gang of three or more people. As such it is of no real concern to the Progressive Democrats.