This follows Taoiseach Brian Cowen’s suggestion earlier this week that three jobs might be created in the country in 2011.

Energy Minister Eamon Ryan told Newstalk listeners this morning he expects the election of a Dublin mayor early next year. This is in addition to the jobs expected to be created by the three pending by-elections.

“This is great news for the economy, four jobs created in as many days. Let the good times roll,” a jobs market analyst said.

“We recognise there are some practicality issues,” his spokesman said. “For that reason all electric cars will be fitted with fixed wheel recharging bikes.”

“When your car runs out of power simply remove the bike from the boot and start pedalling.”

The spokesman confirmed that every two kilometres pedalled would charge the car to cover a distance of one kilometre. “This sophisticated solution can also make you a freshly squeezed juice if you pedal twice as hard,” he added.

The Minister acknowledged that regular pedalling would also help tackle the obesity epidemic. “This is unintentional and should not be allowed to detract from the brilliance of the scheme,” his spokesman said

Energy Minister Eamon Ryan has revealed a new technology that will tap into celebrities’ egos to fuel the national grid. “Ego fuel is an eco fuel,” he said. “This is completely carbon neutral. The only waste product is hot air.”

“This is a huge untapped resource,” Mr Ryan added. “We could soon be exporting energy around the globe. For example, it is estimated that less than one per cent of Bono’s ego fuel could satisfy China’s energy needs for a decade.”

Minister for Finance Brian Lenihan has agreed to ring-fence the artists’ exemption tax and broaden its terms to include any celebrity who is prepared to donate up to two per cent of their ego energy.

Mr Lenihan was full of praise for the Green Party initiative. “They are little Green geniuses,” he said. “They’re not much craic but we love them anyway.”

Incredibly, Environment Minister and Green Party leader John Gormley, Energy Minister Eamon Ryan, Nice Fresh Food Minister Trevor Sargent and Senator Dan Boyle were all found to have entered their neighbours’ back gardens late last night to urinate in their compost bins.

“We caught them wet-handed but we are still trying to establish whether or not this is a crime,” a Garda source said.

It seems unlikely that the owners of the compost bins will want to see the Green leadership charged. “It was positively heroic, and great for accelerating the breakdown of compost,” one neighbour said.

However, The Mire has learned that Mr Gormley may have a more serious case to answer than his colleagues as his neighbours don’t have compost facilities. “It would appear that Mr Gormley somehow gained access to their house and urinated in their highly sophisticated kitchen sink waste disposal unit,” the Garda source said. “The owners are distraught.”

“How ridiculous,” Mr Gormley is understood to have commented. “Imagine living beside me and not having a compost bin.”

A leading political analyst told The Mire that the Green leadership was desperately trying to prove to its grassroots that it remains relevant and worthy of support. “This could swing it for them,” he said.