The Mire » Farmers

Sinn Fein may trade Yes vote for return of anti-tank missiles

Donal Conaty — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 09:30:56 +0000

In a significant boost to the pro-Lisbon Treaty side The Mire can reveal that Sinn Fein is considering a u-turn on its No to Lisbon stance if the Independent International Commission on Decommissioning gives the IRA back its anti-tank missiles.

Although Sinn Fein has campaigned against Lisbon on a number of issues such as lower wages, impact on family farms and less power in Europe, a source said the burning issue for Sinn Fein was increased military spending.

“That other stuff is only old guff,” a Sinn Fein source said. “Did you see the tank in the poster? It’s massive. You need proper weaponry to take on a yoke like that.”

A spokesman for Taoiseach Brian Cowen said he would welcome a Sinn Fein u-turn on Lisbon but that the missile issue was strictly a matter for the decommissioning commission.[poll id="3"]

Sargent launches waterproof Jesus Sandals for organic farmers

Donal Conaty — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 09:26:49 +0000

Ireland’s Minister for Food and Horticulture Trevor Sargent has announced an exciting technological development for the organic farming community which will enable organic farmers to walk on water without getting their feet wet.

The completely waterproof Jesus Sandal is to be made available through Bord Bia at the extremely low price of €5 to mark National Organic Week.

“The waterproof Jesus Sandal is an essential tool for the organic gardener or farmer,” Mr Sargent said. “The Government is determined to make it easier for people to walk on water.”

Food and packaging interchangeable, report finds

Donal Conaty — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 12:31:59 +0000

A report into the qualities of processed foods commonly available in shops and supermarkets has concluded that they do not provide any significant nutritional or health benefit that would not also be provided by eating the food’s packaging instead.

The report by the Food Safety Authority (FSA) found there were no important differences between food packaging and food and in many cases they were completely interchangeable.

By and large the report also concluded that there was also little or no difference in taste, smell or texture. The report did find that the packaging almost always looked more appetising than the actual food.

A spokesman for one of Mireland’s leading supermarket chains said they were more than happy with the report’s findings. “It simply serves to demonstrate the high standards we bring to everything,” he said. “We are very proud of the fact that our packaging is as good as our food.

However, the Mirish Organic Growers Society (MOGS) has criticised the report as misguided and ill-considered. “Don’t eat the food and don’t eat the packaging,” it said. “Don’t even eat the report.”

MOGS said consumers had to know the source of their food. “Don’t eat anything unless it has been produced by an organic farmer wearing a seamless robe,” it said.

Farmers want land back to park trophy tractors

Donal Conaty — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 10:53:54 +0000

In a remarkable development the Irish Farmers Association (IFA) are in discussions with the National Asset Management Agency (NAMA) in a bid to secure landon which to park disused farm machinery.

“This is a very unfortunate situation,” an IFA spokesman told The Mire. “Basically our members were advised in the boom years to invest profits from land sales in farm machinery to avoid taxes. Now they find they have these huge trophy tractors and nowhere to park them.”

“It is a sad situation. A real sign of the times,” he added.

On condition of anonymity a farmer explained his plight to The Mire: “I have a great big tractor so I have. She’s a beauty. In the good times I drove her everywhere. Now, things aren’t so good I went to park her up but I couldn’t. The tractor’s bigger than the farm. It’s not fair so it’s not.”