The Department of Justice claimed there would be a “whole of Government” response to the threat posed by Anonymous.

The statement prompted widespread hilarity and good humour across the country.

“Jaysus, Anonymous must be shitting themselves,” a woman in her pyjamas at a bus stop said.

The DDOS attacks were in response to planned new copyright legislation in Ireland.

“We do not believe that legislation is the answer,” a government source said.

The source revealed that the Cabinet was keen on the “nuclear option” of HSE care. “There’s no coming back from that,” he said.

Other alternatives include bringing the internet into NAMA or treating it with disdain until it emigrates.

“They are all good options,” the source said.

“This outrageous discrimination has to stop,” a spokesman said.

“The poor have a right to pay tax,” the spokesman added. “From this day on not having an income will no longer be a barrier to paying income tax.”

The Tanaiste said the fact that the Labour Party was in government meant that the poor would no longer be excluded because of their poverty.

“The poor will always be with us,” he said proudly.

“There is a genuine risk that such a move would render the Government inexplicable to the common people,” an expert warned.

“People need alcohol in order to understand what the government, the EU and the IMF are actually doing,” he explained.

“How can we understand the way they’re running the country unless we’re as pissed as they obviously are? a drunk asked reasonably.

A HSE spokesman said management was too busy to pay attention to the government.

“They can’t just stop playing solitaire every time a Minister makes a statement,” the spokesman said.

“Shh,” he added. “You’ll wake them.”

“It is clearly discriminatory,” a spokesman said. “The homeless should have the same rights as anyone else when it comes to taxation.”

“We urge homeless people to pay the charge anyway as a protest action,” the spokesman added.

Meanwhile, the government called for cool heads to resolve the issue. “We didn’t mean to discriminate against the homeless,” a source said.

“We’re looking at all the bankers on our books trying to find the right candidate to govern Spain,” an ECB spokesman said.

“While we are conducting the search the new government are welcome to pretend they are in charge for a week or so.”

“However,” he added. “They mustn’t touch anything.”

It is one of a number of assets to be considered for sale by the Government on Thursday.

However, The Mire understands the unicorn herd is low on the list.

“Realistically, we believe there would be a greater benefit to the exchequer from taxing unicorns rather than selling them,” a Government source said.

“We are hopeful that hackers will raid the system and somehow improve it,” a government IT expert said.

Hackers can be quite idealistic,” he explained. “We believe that they will feel compelled to improve our systems once they see the mess they are in.”

The expert conceded, however, that there was nothing any hacker could do about the HSE.

SOLAS, which replaces the now legendary training agency FÁS, has been tasked with training people for jobs that won’t exist.

A SOLAS source admitted that FÁS was a hard act to follow.

“They are legends,” the source said. “Even in the boom the only jobs they created were their own.”

“Fortunately we have the same management as FÁS so we should be able to maintain their high standards,” the source added.