The article says the Government’s economic strategy is failing and its own policies have contributed to the collapse.

However, a government source robustly refuted the claims. “Perhaps this is what happens when you give out qualifications like confetti,” he said.

“Only last week we heard that there are 345,000 vacant graduates in this country. Unfortunately, the Government now feels that it would be irresponsible to take seriously anyone with an academic qualification.”

Meanwhile, the source welcomed news that solicitors’ firms were recruiting in anticipation of a flood of litigation from graduates whose qualifications have been discredited and non-graduates who saw idiot graduates pass them by on the career ladder.

“That is what this Government is all about,” the Government source said. “People should take note – this is how you create employment in the real world, not by writing articles in newspapers.”

“It would be a bit much to expect them to mark papers on merit. They would have to know the answers,” a source said.

Instead, third level institutions will award students with a character reference intended to reflect their core attributes for employers.

The following descriptions are among those being considered:

Dim but willing

Superb liar

Pretty with low self-esteem

Plausible sociopath

“We hope this system will enable employers to quickly decide whether the prospective employee is right for the job,” the source said.