At a hastily convened press conference attended by nobody, crap golfer Con Mahon admitted that he had often considered being unfaithful to his wife. “I tried a couple of times with the Lithuanian barmaid at the golf club but she got a barring order,” he said. “I am far short of perfect.”

“I have even tried to have sex with my wife, Attracta Mahon, in recent years but she also got a barring order,” he added.

Mr Mahon said suggestions he slept in the family car last Friday night because of a fight with his wife were “utterly false and malicious” as he routinely slept in the family car.

Mr Mahon then became angry and categorically denied that he cheated at golf or misbehaved on the golf course. “That is defamatory and a slur on my good name,” he said.

“If there is any consolation in all of this it is that I feel a great affinity with Tiger Woods,” he concluded.