The Mire » International Monetary Fund

Govt asks IMF if it can hold its drink while running country

Donal Conaty — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 06:00:02 +0000

The Government is considering asking the International Monetary Fund to run the country and has asked the organisation what specific skills it would bring to the task.

The Mire understands that Taoiseach Brian Cowen is eager to ensure that the IMF is fit for the job. The following questions were put to the IMF:

What is your party piece?

Can you sing?

Do you know any good jokes?

Can you hold your drink?

At a minimum the IMF must answer three of the quesions favourably.

Our opposition to NAMA ‘a hissy fit’, Fine Gael source

Donal Conaty — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 13:11:24 +0000

A Fine Gael source has revealed that the party’s opposition to the National Asset Management Agency (NAMA) is not about NAMA and is in fact part of an ongoing “hissy fit” by party leader Enda Kenny over the fact that party strategists want him to campaign for a No Vote in the Lisbon referendum.

As revealed in The Mire last month Mr Kenny was not enthusiastic about the so called “Lisbon No Strategy” when it was put to him. The strategy is based on the widely held belief that the majority of Mirish people will instinctively do the opposite of anything Mr Kenny suggests. It was initially suggested by French President Nicolas Sarkozy and supported by most EU leaders. The strategy has received cross-party support in Mireland as the best way to ensure safe passage of the second Lisbon referendum.

According to party sources Mr Kenny has reacted very badly to the strategy and is by turns despondent and defiant. He has refused to co-operate with party colleagues and, our source revealed, is “saying No to everything except sugar in his tea”.

“To be honest August has been one long hissy fit,” the source said. “He won’t eat. He won’t sleep. It’s just one tantrum after another.”

Last weekend former Taoiseach Garret Fitzgerald broke ranks with the party he once led over its failure to support NAMA. Dr FitzGerald said that the failure of opposition parties to support NAMA could lead to intervention by the International Monetary Fund.

The Mire understands, however, that the majority of senior figures in Fine Gael are in complete agreement with Dr FitzGerald but they are concerned that if they break ranks with Mr Kenny on NAMA he will then refuse to campaign for a No Vote on Lisbon. “It’s a lose-lose situation,” the source said. “If NAMA fails we lose control of everything, if Lisbon fails we lose everything.”

Lenihan doesn’t fancy career prospects

Donal Conaty — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 11:55:25 +0000

Minister for Finance Brian Lenihan is said to be utterly bemused at opposition calls for his resignation over the International Monetary Fund’s bleak assessment of Mireland’s economic outlook.

In the face of the onslaught from Fine Gael and Labour Mr Lenihan resorted to the delusional stance of stating that the report represented an endorsement of current Government policy.

“This is clearly nonsense but he had to say something,” a Finance Department source said. “To be honest he doesn’t know where the opposition are coming from on this. I mean, there are no jobs out there. What class of eejit would resign from a well paid job at a time like this?”

“This is not the time for a career change. It’s time to sit tight and try not to draw attention to yourself,” the source added.