In a desperate bid to retain licence fee revenues RTE is to fully commit to the recession and promises bleak programme output. “We are in agreement with the Government that people need to be conscious of the hopelessness of our situation” a spokesman said.

“From New Year’s Day whenever you switch on RTE you will know you are broke and there is no hope,” he added.

The move follows favourable experiments which saw mostly crap toys on the Late Late Toy Show and which also saw Ryan Tubridy dress in mourning since he became host of the show.

“We’re going to take it to another level now,” the spokesman said. “Next year’s Toy Show will feature only second-hand or home-made toys and Miriam O’Callaghan will present Prime Time wearing a shawl once worn by Peig Sayers.”