“The VHI should not be allowed to do this,” a member of the Cabinet said. “It is a form of bullying.”

“Politicians, developers in Nama and a few bankers are the only people who can afford health insurance,” the Minister said. “It is not fair to single us out for excessive charges.”

He insisted it was little comfort to him that he would be able to claim his health insurance on expenses. “There is a principle involved,” he said hilariously.

“It’s a sorry state of affairs. There hasn’t been a single think thunk,” an expert said.

“The Thinkometer is flat-lining,” he added. “It’s no wonder the country’s fucked.”

The expert then got involved in a dispute with a Fianna Fáil think-in attendee who said the Thinkometer flat-lined at Fine Gael and Labour think-ins too.

“Sadly that’s true,” the expert admitted. “It doesn’t seem to work around politicians.”

“The Irish are sophisticated in many ways but they have this endearing naivety when it comes to politicians and their promises,” an expert in these thing said.

“They get quite upset and indignant when the promises are not kept – it is as if they were real promises,” he continued.

“This is exceptionally rare,” he added. “In fact it is not known to exist anywhere else in the world.”

Now they are no longer affordable they have been left outside to die. In this dramatic video Siobhan Ni Scamaill reports on the plight of the politicians Ireland abandoned in February 25th’s general election.

“Most of them will have to be put down,” an Amnesty International source said. “There is no public appetite to help them.”

Indeed, economists believe that keeping these once magnificent creatures in the manner to which they were accustomed would require the entire IMF-EU bailout fund.

A Garda spokesman told of scenes of public indecency, assaults on the moral fibre of the nation and bizzarre and inappropriate use of fireworks as the elected representatives drove decent people off the streets.

“There is very little we can do about the politicians,” a Garda source said. “They are bitterly disappointed at the state of the economy and they are taking it out on the common folk.”

“They always cause trouble when they come back to their constituencies but Halloween brings out the worst in them,” he added.

Gardai spoke to Minister for Justice Dermot Ahern about criminalising politicians but he just smiled.

A Dail spokesman said it was a matter for individual politicians whether they claimed for fireworks on expenses.