“TDs did throw their knickers at the bar,” a manager said. “But it wasn’t for free drink. All their drink is free.”

“They threw their manky knickers at us when we tried to get them to pay for their drink,” he added.

Dublin District Civil Court urged a compromise whereby TDs would keep their knickers on and not have to pay for alcohol.

The United Nations declared September 15th International Day of Democracy to encourage the promotion and consolidation of democracy.

“The need to promote and protect democracy is as urgent now as ever,” said Ceann Comhairle Seán Barrett, as he struggled to stop laughing.

“We should celebrate the fact that we have always retained the freedom to elect our own parliament,” said Mr Barrett, while TDs urinated on each other.

Tests showed that people who watched a few minutes of the show were less able to problem solve or pay attention.

“SpongeBob is not solely to blame. Most TDs were badly behaved and unable to concentrating when they got here,” a Houses of the Oireachtas spokesman said.

“At the end of the day we have to keep them quiet and we’re not allowed sedate them. Switching off SpongeBob would be a disaster,” he added.

“We urgently need a training programme for new TDs or help from the IMF,” a government source said.

The source said the four most common questions from TDs were:

Do I have to sit beside him?

Why do I have to wear a tie if he  isn’t wearing one?

Can I claim this on expenses?

When are we going to see some of this IMF money?

The move follows the positive experience in Limerick Prison where allowing prisoners to watch the TV soap has been linked to a reduction in violent incidents.

“This has to be worth trying in Leinster House,” a Garda source said. “We can’t just let them keep behaving with complete disregard for the common good.”

However, an expert in this sort of thing warned that TDs were more than capable of destroying the country while watching Coronation Street.

Fine Gael and Labour TDs were almost unanimous in saying Mr Cowen was the right man to lead Fianna Fáil into the general election, with the only exception being Enda Kenny who said Cowen should go immediately.

“Poor Enda hasn’t quite grasped it yet,” a Fine Gael source said.

Prospective leaders of Fianna Fáil were the only members of the party who supported Mr Cowen as leader.

Unconfirmed reports suggest the Green Party has offered the services of its Cabinet ministers to the government of Australia as it struggles to cope with severe flooding.

“We have a simple, cost-effective flood management strategy,” a source said. “We will teach people in Queensland to walk on water.”

“As luck would have it our politicians have no long term commitments here and are pretty much immediately available,” the source continued.

Citizens across the country said they could endure the appalling behaviour of their public representatives if they knew their kids wouldn’t have to do so.

“The idea that my children or grandchildren could live in a world without TDs is just beautiful,” a young woman said. “I feel quite overcome.”

Many people have objected to the idea of sterilising junkies but there has been no objection whatsoever to the idea of sterilising TDs.

Analysts believe TDs will volunteer for the sterilisation programme which comes with generous unvouched expenses.

“Whenever the Dáil rises we can expect anxious times in the constituencies,” a Garda spokesman said. “TDs tend to hunt in packs and they can be quite intimidating.”

“Whatever you do, don’t approach a TD empty-handed,” the spokesman added. “They are quite childlike and might not harm you if you have a treat for them, preferably something shiny.”

The spokesman warned everyone to steer clear of Green Party TDs who “don’t like shiny things and recycle their victims”.

A leading economist said it was essential that the TDs be allowed take their break for a full 12 weeks. “The longer their break, the greater the prospect of economic recovery,” he said.

In what may be the ultimate irony Richard Bruton’s leadership challenge to Enda Kenny has forced the party to count its TDs.

“We have a clear majority,” Enda Kenny is thought to have said sheepishly. “I suspected as much but Bruton was in charge of the numbers. That’s why I brought in George Lee.”

The Kenny and Bruton camps refused to comment on the suggestion that Fine Gael had taken the word of then Minister for Finance Brian Cowen that they couldn’t form a government.

“It is immaterial,” a Bruton supporter said. “Richard wouldn’t serve under him anyway.”