The Mire has learned that Mr Cowell was so fascinated by the JEdward phenomenon that he wanted to see what sort of environment would breed such extraordinary creatures.

“Simon visited for a few days and he was amazed and hugely entertained,” his spokesman said. “He found day-to-day life compelling and said it would make great car crash tele.”

“Simon said you don’t really seem to mind that child rapist priests forgive and facilitate each other to rape again but you would go to war with France because Thierry Henry handled the ball in a football match,” the spokesman continued.

“At worst you might be forced to apologise for turning a blind eye to a paedophile ring. Half your country is under water. Your economy is bankrupt and the only people with job security go on strike to go shopping. To top it all the Virgin Mary keeps turning up on tree stumps and rain clouds – you know she probably just wants to watch.”

It is understood that Mr Cowell was so taken with events here that he sent a memo to Endemol suggesting that a reality show would actually need no spin and very little editing. “The message from Simon is simple: ‘Please don’t change’,” the spokesman said.

Taoiseach Brian Cowen said talks about the reality show were at an advanced stage. “We have to look at all and any revenue streams going forward,” he said. “If members of the Cabinet have to appear in the show, we are prepared to do so for the greater good.”

“I am the Virgin Mary, not some wannabe,” she said. “My engagements take two years to plan and all these random one-off shows are playing havoc with my schedule.”

The holy mother said anyone interested in booking an appearance by her should go through the proper channels. “I have a long term contract with the catholic church. Talk to them,” she said.

The men who called people to Knock for the predicted apparition last Saturday – Joe Coleman and Keith Henderson – had claimed yesterday that another apparition would take place in the Knock Basilica on December 5th.

Taoiseach Brian Cowen has had to rush to Rathkeale in an attempt to pacify the two ministers. Mr Lenihan insists that the appearance of Kathleen ni Houlihan is a call to patriotic action to support the Government in these dark times. “The pint of stout represents the need for us to bond as a community. We need sing songs in poorly lit pubs. If the Taoiseach leads us in song the country will get behind him. We can sing ourselves out of recession,” he said.

However, Mr Cowen has refused to break into song. Under pressure from Mr Ahern, who spent the entire summer in Rathkeale, Mr Cowen said he thought the outline on the stump was more likely to be of the Virgin Mary than of Kathleen ni Houlihan. But he urged people not to be divided on the issue. “Who is to say it is not both of them? We need all the help we can get. I don’t care if it is King Billy on the stump as long as it supports Nama and Lisbon.”

Cabinet colleagues of the two ministers have for some time expressed the fear that the immense pressure they are under to do their jobs has led them to resort to religious and patriotic fervour. In fact their colleagues now refer to the two ministers as God (Mr Ahern) and Country (Mr Lenihan).

The two senior ministers were sent to Rathkeale by the Taoiseach at the start of the summer to see if they could get the Virgin Mary to intervene on behalf of the economy. Mr Ahern took to the task with such zeal that he bonded with the stump and has refused to leave it for any reason.

The two ministers have spent most of their time there since. However, Mr Ahern has recently bonded with the stump and has refused to leave it under any circumstances. Cabinet colleagues now fear that his introduction of the Defamation Bill, originally seen as a shrewd move to invoke God when nothing else was working, was in fact a result of his succumbing to religious fervour.

“The stress he and Brian Lenihan are under has been immense,” a Cabinet source said. “It is hardly any wonder they have resorted to religious and patriotic fervour to get them through.” The source said that their colleagues now referred to the two ministers as God (Mr Ahern) and Country (Mr Lenihan).

President Mary McAleese is to state today whether she is referring the Defamation Bill and the Criminal Justice (Amendment) Bill to the Supreme Court. “She has no right,” Mr Ahern said. “Our Lady’s appearance on the stump is a clear indication that she supports the Defamation Bill. There is no higher court.”

Mr Ahern’s words have apparently outraged Mr Lenihan whose patriotic fervour demands support for the office of President. Until now Mr Lenihan has manfully said that it is his patriotic duty not to fall out with Mr Ahern but he is finding it increasingly difficult. “We are facing the prospect of all out hostilities between God and Country,” a concerned Cabinet source said.

The two senior Government ministers have been briefed to maintain a vigil at the stump and to pray for the economy. It is understood that senior civil servants in the Taoiseach’s office have persuaded Mr Cowen that divine intervention is the only realistic prospect of turning around the dire economic situation.

The outline of the Blessed Virgin first appeared in the tree stump on Monday and this, together with the prospect of three months holidays, immediately gave rise to a wave of optimism in Leinster House.

However, it is understood that Mr Ahern was reluctant to travel to the stump as he had just reduced the maximum fine payeable for blasphemy. Mr Ahern was afraid that the stump would take a bleak view of his actions and might not want to help the economy.

Mr Lenihan was more optimistic. He said he was confident that the great sacrifices made by the Mirish people on behalf of the economy would “excite the admiration” of the tree stump.