The Mire reflects on a pig’s mickey of a year – twisted and crooked
It was a year that began with a visit from several British MPs to Dail Eireann to study the mystifying way in which our TDs resisted resigning.
Then there was the shocking news that the Celtic Tiger was caused by inappropriate alcoholism.
There was good news when the HSE announced that Ryanair would take over the running of the health service. Sadly, the deal fell through as the airline didn’t like dealing with “bloody invalids”.
NAMA was delightful for the usual suspects until they found that Pat Kenny had already squatted all the good properties.
Taoiseach Brian Cowen feared a very Mirish coup until he decided to bank on a tree stump to save the economy.
A suggestion from French President Nicolas Sarkozy that getting Enda Kenny to say no to Lisbon would guarantee the referendum’s success won cross-party support.
A report by food safety experts found food and packaging was completely interchangeable although the packaging tended to be more appetising.
In September the HSE said children with swine flu should be kept in sheds. It also launched WellBeing perfume to replace traditional health care. Sadly we were allergic to WellBeing.
Former Taoiseach Bertie Ahern announced he would step down from politics to focus on Mehole, his anti-social networking site.
The Dublin bikes scheme turned out to be flawed as obese cyclists abandoned the bikes when they came to a hill. Obesity was in the news again when it was linked to appalling injuries during sex.
Sources in Taoiseach Brian Cowen’s head announced that he was not drinking nearly enough. Meanwhile, the voices in Enda Kenny’s head escaped. Finally, Brian Cowen and British Prime Minister Gordon Brown sang a duet of Man in the Mirror to the voices in Mr Brown’s head.
It was a rollercoaster year for the Greens. There was euphoria when Trevor Sargent launched waterproof Jesus sandals so organic farmers could walk on water without getting wet feet. Dismay followed when it emerged our Carbon Arseprint was entirely responsible for global warming. And there was defiance when the entire Green Party leadership was arrested for urinating in their neighbours’ compost bins.
Few were surprised when performance evaluation monitors found that 37 per cent of public servants were “probably dead”. And no one was surprised that a third of new roads go nowhere while others are completely lost.
In perhaps the most sinister development of the recession the very existence of the lesser spotted rural drinker was threatened until UNESCO intervened.
Stephen Ireland refused the FAI’s reasonable request that he change his name. A churlish John Delaney turned down the opportunity to be Sepp Blatter’s official gimp and strongly denied trying to burn down the Guinness brewery because it is French-owned.
Green TD Paul Gogarty crossed a line when he used the word “sincerity” in Dail Eireann.
The wider community said it lived in fear of bored, bitter ex-bishops while the bishops said the Murphy report was quite innocuous when read with mental reservation.
Finally, sexperts everywhere fear that quitting golf could destroy Tiger’s “game”.
It was a pig’s mickey of a year, a twisted, crooked thing. The Mire looks forward to more of the same in 2010.
A great years work by all accounts – TheMire seems to have disappeared from my facebook page however. I miss the daily updates – Have tried lots of times to re-instate but to no avail – any idea why??
Hi Paula, I don’t know why that would be although I do know Facebook is becoming increasingly awkward to use. Have you checked in Newsfeed, Livefeed and status updates?
Sterling stuff! It is fantastic to have The Mire sift, distil and parse the sturm und drang of the ether for our continued enlightenment.
Why thank you El Quebin
[...] “Fuck You” at Emmet Stagg in Dáil Éireann, the continuing decease of Samuel Beckett , The Mire’s Year in Review and (the ultimate, the ne plus pas ultra in self-referentiality) the Definitive Indefinite Article [...]