In an extraordinary encounter with the Fine Gael leader and Taoiseach in waiting Enda Kenny, The Mire has learned that the voices in Mr Kenny’s head were deeply traumatised by the experience but have managed to escape. 
Incredibly, Mr Kenny pretended to be a voice in his own head during the interview which was conducted in the presence of two of Mr Kenny’s handlers…
Mire Man: Hello. Is anyone there?
Voice: Help.
Mire Man: Who is that?
Voice: It’s me, the voice in Enda Kenny’s head. Can you help me escape?
Mire Man: Why would you want to escape? You’re in the head of the Taoiseach in waiting. It must be amazing?
Voice: No. It’s awful. Like a supermarket just before it opens. Bright and bland and deathly quiet. It even has loyalty cards. Please get me out I can’t stand it.
Mire Man: What about the other voices? Don’t you always travel in groups?
Voice: They escaped into Lech Walesa’s head a few days ago. I’m on my own. Can I seek asylum in your head instead? Please. I’ll be good.
Mire Man: Well I suppose…
Voice (now in Mire Man’s head): Thank you so much. Wow. This is different, really squalid. Isn’t that illegal?
Mire Man: Quiet or you’re going back.
There followed a brief discussion between Mire Man and Enda Kenny’s handlers who were told that all voices had left Mr Kenny’s head. The handlers then conferred with Mr Kenny before saying The Mire could now interview another voice in Mr Kenny’s head. Mr Kenny sat, strangely grimacing, throughout the interview:
Mire Man: Hello.
New Voice: Hello. Can I just say that a Yes vote on Lisbon is imperative…
Mire Man: Is that a voice in Enda Kenny’s head?
New Voice: Of course. Now can I just say that it is vital to the national interest…
Mire Man: Just a second. Are you sure you are a voice in Enda Kenny’s head? You sound quite like him.
New Voice: Don’t be ridiculous. I am one of many unusual and original voices in my… sorry, I mean in his… head.
Voice in Mire Man’s head: He’s lying. The only voice in Enda Kenny’s head now is Enda Kenny’s voice. I should know I had to listen to it for long enough. It never shuts up.
New Voice: That is an outrageous assertion…
Voice in Mire Man’s head: Look at Enda Kenny. His lips are moving.
Mire Man: Mr Kenny is it possible that you are impersonating a voice in your head just because Taoiseach Brian Cowen has voices in his head?
At this point the interview ended abruptly when Mr Kenny’s handlers insisted he had to leave.
