Zimmer frame carnage as elderly wealthy shop for their country
Discount supermarkets, pub and hotels were overrun this morning as a patriotic fervour of spending swept the nation.
There was carnage in the specials aisles in Lidl and Aldi as the elderly wealthy answered the Government’s call to spend their savings. “It was hell,” a witness said. “The fire brigade had to cut people out of their zimmer frames.”
Publicans were amazed to find queues outside their doors and patriotic hoteliers doubled their rates overnight to facilitate people spending as much of their savings as possible. “We will not be found wanting when our country calls,” a hotelier said.
“I had €20,000 set aside for my funeral but I’ve spent it on fuschias at Aldi,” a shopper told The Mire. “They’re perfect for late summer colour. Come on Ireland.”
Sadly, those were his last words. He died in the car park surrounded by fuschias.